I spent six weeks in Europe this last summer, but you wouldn’t know it from my blog posts. I have drafts and ideas: getting around England, hiking in Cornwall, travel on the Eurostar, amazing Copenhagen, taking Scott to Finland for the first time. When I go to write it seems— empty. It was hard to … Continue reading No More answered texts
It seems so innocuous, the chapstick sitting on my nightstand, between the water glass and the book I’m reading. It’s not. I found it in the pocket of his work pants, when I was laundering the clothes that someone had shoved into his suitcase, cleaning out his room after he died. Every day, when I … Continue reading Living with the Memories
“Happy holidays!” My chiropractor says, and then catches herself. “I mean, well, ah…” She trails off. I’ve known her for 20 years, and she knows me, and my family. I’m falling apart. I don’t mean emotionally, although that is true, and understandable considering circumstances. Yesterday I decorated the tree. I had cried for two days … Continue reading Merry Christmas— maybe
“It’s wonderful to see you smiling again,” Scott tells me, on the second day of our trip to Hawaii. At the top of Diamond Head Yet at night, I dream of loss. A small child is missing, and I search for them. Someone (else) I love has died. I am back in the family home, … Continue reading Songs in my Head, Part 2
Lately, a song will take up residence in my head. I’m not talking an ear-worm that lasts a few hours, but ones that stay days, even weeks, always playing in the background. They aren’t happy songs. Currently it’s Hurt, not the Nine Inch Nails original but the cover of it that Johnny Cash did in … Continue reading Songs in My Head- Part 1
I’m waiting for my new passport. I’m sad to give up my last one, but there was less than 6 months left on it. The new passport is blank. No visas to China, Japan, India, Egypt. No stamps, and not sure if there will be any. Many countries do it all electronically, post-Covid, and I’m … Continue reading There is a Season
I didn’t cry this week. Oh sure, I got misty at memories, and wept a bit, especially when people offered condolences or talked about my son. But I didn’t cry. None of the sobbing, gasping, choking, can’t speak, can barely breathe, crying. None of the uncontrollable waves that would send me back to bed for … Continue reading Riding the Waves of Grief
I glance in the mirror, and I look old. And haggard. My last birthday, friends were still joking that I was doing a Benjamin Button, getting younger every year. 2024 has not been easy. My ruptured appendix in January, compounded by a melanoma, put paid to my surfing season and led to cancelling of travel … Continue reading Sorrow
I keep seeing pictures of my ex. (Thank you, Facebook and Apple algorithms!) It’s not surprising, when we were together for a dozen years before Facebook was even invented, and when I’d taken ten years of selfies of us after I bought my first smart phone. That’s the peril of a modern breakup. You don’t … Continue reading Pictures of My Ex
I don't know if she heard me in the night, or if she just drew conclusions from my puffy eyes the next morning. "So," she said. "Why are you still having such bad days? Maybe you should go and get some more counselling." I understand the friends and family members who are tired of my … Continue reading Why Aren’t You Over It Yet? A Year Later
Brave Travels 