I Know What I Like

For 10 years at Topanga Café, I sometimes looked at the menu, but I always ordered the same thing. Cheese and onion enchilada, double rice, no beans. I would walk in and the server would ask, beer or cider? Because that was the only thing I would change.

My ex used to tease me about it, but my reply would be, “You should be happy that I stick to something once I’ve decided. We’re still married.”

But when is that consistency knowing what you like, and when is just habit?

I was pretty picky about my coffee. Then I started travelling the world, drinking coffee in France, in India, in gas stations in the States (just kidding. I’d drink a Coke to get my caffeine instead of stooping that low.)

I used to drink lattés. Then it had to be oat milk, but not if it was sweetened or flavoured. Now I drink cortados if I can, with cow milk, but really, anything else that has good espresso will do.

Some things are worth sticking with. I don’t compromise on my values, now. Is this action kind? Does it help make the world a better place? Am I valuing it, or only doing it because someone else/society thinks it is a good idea?

I was with my children’s father for 30 years. When things got tough, I would double down. I’d made the commitment. Some things were worth compromise, giving up dreams, giving up self. But where was the line? How much of it is because, as Shakespeare said, we’d

rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?

I’m glad that eight years ago I was kicked out of my complacent life, that I no longer had the choice of just carrying on. I shudder to think of who I would be now if I had continued on that path. My life would have been comfortable, I’m sure, but there would have been a quiet dissatisfaction that would have probably led me to drink too much and have too sharp a tongue.

I much prefer who I am now. Kind, sincerely interested in the people I love and the people I have just met. Open to new experiences, new ideas. Out there having adventures.

So yes, routine and habit have a certain value. They save our mental energy for more important processes.

But when you do something out of habit, because it was what you have always done, pause and think. Does this serve you? Is this where you really want to be? Or have you confined yourself in a box of your own making?

Once you step outside you may be astonished to see the paths that open for you.