“You need to forgive him.” How many times have I heard this?
“Not for him, for your sake.” “You can’t move on until you forgive him.”
My close friends are now a little careful when they approach this. They are concerned that there is still anger, (justifiable, they are quick to add!) and that I still talk about our relationship.
But what they might not realize is that I’m no longer working out my relationship with Don, I’m working out who I am, and much of that comes from our time together.
Not, why was he so controlling, but why did I give him all that power? Not, why did he cheat, but how was I so willfully blind to all the signs that must have been there, over years of serial adultery? How do I need to rethink who I am to go forward into a healthier future?
Don was a huge part of my past, both bad and, yes, good. But that is written and over; he is not part of my present, nor my future. And although I haven’t “forgiven” him, what he did has less and less impact on me.
Next month would have been our 30th wedding anniversary, and to my surprise, I feel no need to “uncelebrate” it, to create a passage ritual the way I did on the last anniversary, or on the anniversary of our separation.
Perhaps I really have moved on. Perhaps there will be no more oversharing about this part of my journey.
Four sets of plane tickets have been bought, and perhaps 2020 will be more about trips than my inside journey.
On with the brave travels!